HW: 36

Christopher R


For this assignment I questioned someone who had a child 16 years ago, someone who had a child 8 years ago and someone who had a child about a year ago. I thought it would be interesting to interview people who had babies recently and people who had babies a relatively long time ago and see how the child birthing and raising is now compared to a good amount of years ago. The question I wanted to focus on for these interviews was how the male played a role in the birthing, how the male played a role before and after birthing and I wanted to see how this changed over the years because one thing that I think is over looked through the entire process of birthing is the second parent who is the father.

When I interviewed the person that had a child more than a decade ago I got somewhat of an unexpected answer. She started to talk about how the male was a little too involved, where women are seen as the ones who care more for young and they are seen as the ones who are supposed to care for the child; she said she felt kind of harassed by all of the attention she was getting. When she wanted some space she wasn’t able to get it because he would be there asking how he could help and what he could do to make her feel more comfortable. So I followed up with the question “Is there any reason you think women are expected to take care of the child, do you feel like you’re able to care for a child better than the father?” Again I got an unexpected answer, she said when the baby actually was delivered when the baby was taken away from her to go to the nursery the father followed the baby everywhere to make sure he knew exactly where it was at all times. She felt like the reason people think women are the ones who are expected to take care of the baby is because they are the ones who are pregnant so even before the baby is born they are already taking care of the baby for nine months. While the father is usually expected to be there for morale support and to make sure the baby will have a place to live and be happy, in her case the father was more hands on then she wanted and as a result to that it is kind of like he was also taking care of the baby for nine months. So when the baby came out he had already gotten so attached that he was just as fit to take care of the kid as she was. She joked saying “he could have been the pregnant one and saved me some stress; he was basically a mom without the physical effects.”

So I interviewed the woman who had their kids the most recent at the same time because they are sisters, and I wanted to ask them about the difference between both of their births. I asked how the male played a role in the pregnancy and was this, a major role or more of a morale support kind of relationship. The sister with the younger child said that the father didn’t really help her, the only thing that he did during the nine months before the baby was born was buy clothes for the baby to have when she was born. The sister with the older child said that the father helped but not as much as she would have wanted. “It was almost like he thought when he did something then he doesn’t have to do anything for a while. It’s like when he went out to the store to go buy some food and prepare by buying diapers that gave him a couple of days off without helping. For him it’s not like he was trying to help he was trying to get by with the minimum help possible. I know he doesn’t know exactly how I feel but I was going to be pregnant for the entire nine months, it’s not like I could be pregnant for a couple days then the rest of the week I get to take off. It isn’t a nine to five job it’s something I have to do every day until the baby is delivered. If you’re going to be a father why wait until the time our child is actually there because I damn sure don’t get anytime off.” I found the last part the most interesting so I also followed up with the same question, and I got a similar response. “I was being a mother to the child before he wanted to be a father to the child. I was the one caring for the kid so I guess people see me as the one who is supposed to take care of the kid when it’s born. It’s been that way for a while I guess, when the father is just there for support that same support is not going to help raise the child, the actual listening, caring for is what’s going to help.”

These stories that they were telling me helped me to understand a little bit more about the role that males play because it is an archetype that I think most people play into. The father has to be the one who is there to tell the kid to be tough and to buy him or her things like diapers, clothes, and make sure that everything is taken care of financially. These interviews also brought up something that I never thought of and it kind of ties back to the abortion idea. When is a child actually a child, if a child is a child when its first in the womb at about a month old because it has to be taken care of then how come the men don’t help. If they are only going to help after the baby is born then maybe women are more suitable to take care of the children.

I want to explore a lot more about the preparation of a baby, and how to care for a baby before its born because if a baby is going to be healthy when its outside of the womb it has to start before the baby is outside of the womb.